Balance is for Losers, and the Beauty of a Nuance

Seriously, another friggin’ blog? Yup. Deal with it. I’m doing this.

But in light of my previous post, how do I substantiate such outrageous behaviour? Well, there are actually a whole lotta things to talk about here. But, let’s just mention one of them in this post: the beauty of nuance.

You see, while I still do feel a strong preference for listening and reading (to that of speaking and writing), I’ve also come to see that this preference is not as nuanced as it needs to be. Here’s what I mean; while it is true that we only have 24 hours/day to listen and read, the reality is that it would neither be possible to do this, nor would it be a good use of time.

Indeed, there are times when we are actually obligated to speak, obligated to write. But, without getting sidelined by the ethics of ‘speaking out’, this is helpful simply because it forces me to nuance my struggle. On this admission alone I’m forced to see a necessary complexity in the way that I use my time. And so, even if my preference is for a certain thing, it is simply not possible (be it as a result of ethics, or pragmatics–I have to sleep!–or otherwise) to pursue that thing  with all of my time. The best I can do is to give the thing that I prefer a substantial bit of time-allocation. Ah! What sanity, what joy, to be removed from the horns of this false dilemma! I don’t have to choose between one or the other. I simply have to manage my time well.

Now, I realise that this is ridiculously obvious to many. But please appreciate: I’ve always had a bit of an extreme personality. I really do struggle to do things in balanced ways (because…balance is for losers that do things in half-measures, and stay half-measured losers all of their loser lives).

That’s why when I think about starting a blog, the whole ‘reading vs. writing’ issue emerges. This is a classic example of what I go through on a day to day basis, in virtually everything that I do. And while getting older has helped me to a certain degree, learning to see deeper complexity has been pure therapy. I rarely find a nuance that I don’t immediately fall in love with. Nuance is the result of careful thinking. Careful thinking helps me gain balance. Balance brings me sanity.

I feel all of this working in my heart and mind even now, as some deeper part of me considers the amount of time and energy that it is taking  to write these words, and reprimands me with full force: “You are wasting precious study-time!  You will master nothing this way!”.

How do I respond to myself?

“True, there are a million other things that I could be doing. But does it follow that I should be doing them, right now? Nope, it doesn’t. Boom! Eat some ‘nuance’, you inner-fiend!”

So, back to the issue then. While I would never want to replace my reading-time with writing-time, I could (and should!) try and replace some of my less-productive habits by taking up the pen. Or at least, by trying to take it up. By doing this, I am in no way compromising with half-measures, or misplaced-priorities. I’m doing something good. Something balanced. Something healthy.

And with pen in hand then, more to follow…


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